i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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