I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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