Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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