May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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