I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
