Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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