hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
