One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
