i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
