you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
