I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
