toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
