Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
