i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
