I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
