My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
