I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
