you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
