Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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