didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
