You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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