you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
