i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
