are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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