i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
