I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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