so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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