By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
