I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
