3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
