I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
