it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this boner is exhausting
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
