I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
