Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
