Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
