The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
