I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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