I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
