You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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