Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
