at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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