No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
