so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize