My Higher Power is John Stamos
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
