You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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