i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he fucked my hip out of place.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
