When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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