Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
