I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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