why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
