I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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