I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
