I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i now understand why vodka
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
